So close, but…

I made a decision. Then, I talked myself out of my decision and did a 180. After a week of discussions, email exchanges, phone calls, prayer, and hand wringing, I made a different decision. Another 180. Right back to where I started. I sent an email to one of my mentors, summarizing my thoughts on each program and my pending decision. Then, everything really changed and now I’m sort of on hold.That’s the short version. If you’re into details, read on.

***

At the conclusion of all of my visits, I had a virtual tie between two programs. I was really leaning one way, but then started rationalizing and second-guessing and I changed my mind. At that point, I had enough explanation behind the decision to take it to my inner circle of advisors for outside comment. Their task was simple: listen to what I say and don’t say about where I am going and poke holes in it; challenge me based on what you know about me and what I’m setting out to do. So, they did.

This crew of five come from a variety of perspectives, including how they know me and what phases of my life they’ve been witness to. I can’t thank them enough for their place in this process. What I love most about this group is that they don’t hold back. They called me on every point they should have and were patient with me as a slogged through reasoning and gut feeling, followed up with more due diligence, and came out on the other side with yet another answer.

So, on Thursday evening I had my decision finalized. I sent one of my mentors a summary email with my program rankings and went to bed. The plan was to sit on the decision over the weekend, and pull the trigger on Monday or Tuesday, depending on how I felt.

At 3:30 AM, I woke up. It happens a lot, especially when something is on my mind. I’ll typically think for a bit, surf the internet on the iPhone, and work my way back to sleep. Unfortunately, when I picked up the phone this time I saw an email from aforementioned mentor. Turns out she was in the Crown Room of the Tokyo airport, en route to Singapore, with cell phone data service. Just my luck. Why? Because while I ranked the schools 1, 2, 3, and 4 she came back with “No, no, no. It’s 2, 3, 1, and 4.” That was not what I was counting on.

In addition to her reasoning, she suggested I speak to another faculty member at one institution before I finalized a decision and that I check in with another program before I committed to anything. That program was Texas A&M. They’ve been pretty high on my list from the beginning and it would be an honor to be considered for a spot there. Mentor (and several others) have insisted from the beginning that it was a great fit for me, even when I was higher on Michigan, Northwestern, and Chapel Hill. I’d been in contact with the director at A&M and received the following information:

Nice to hear from you.

We did make some initial offers already, but the process is far from over.

You are definitely one of those folks that caught the eye of our doctoral program committee.

I’ll let you know as soon as possible if we move in the direction of an interview/offer for you.

Take care,

While I had not been officially “wait-listed”, I got the feeling I had been virtually wait-listed. So, I conceded that my globe-trotting mentor was at least right about A&M and decided to reach out again before making the decision final. Crafting the email was a little stressful. I didn’t want to be “that guy” that pestered his way out of contention, but I needed to know where I stood. The clock was ticking on other offers. My email to the A&M director went out just after lunch on Friday. Then, I contacted the director of another program, letting him know my time line. I contacted the director of my (current) top choice to address some of the concerns that my mentor raised and to confirm some of my perceptions. I reached out to another faculty member at another school to ask him to objectively weigh in. I emailed a 4th year doctoral student. So much for my relaxing Friday.

I’ll spare you all the details of the various dialogues and cut to the chase. My last-minute surge of data gathering confirmed my choice of the current offers, but it also potentially placed Texas A&M squarely in the mix. A&M has two spots open in my dissertation area for this year. Two offers have been made. One has been accepted. The open offer is supposed to make a decision early this week. A&M has not said how many people would be competing for the spot, should it be declined; however, they have indicated that I am in the running for it. Given that time was running out on my other offers, this was a potential source of stress, except…

Apparently, there is a Council of Graduate schools that covers 95% of all doctoral granting institutions in the United States. All of my offering schools are members. Technically, this means that they have all agreed to a resolution that states they will not require a student to accept or decline an offer prior to April 15th. The intent is to allow candidates to entertain multiple offers without the added pressure of one institution attempting to secure an early decision with a little extra cash.

I like this resolution, but I also understand how it can hurt the second tier programs. Big 10, Ivy League schools, A&M, and Chapel Hill are going to get the top candidates, no matter what. The latent demand for spots there is incredible. After that tier, you have a whole lot of really good state schools that are now competing for top talent (that doesn’t get one for the handful of spots in the big leagues). So, it’s their rational goal to lock up their favorite candidates as soon as possible. Otherwise, should a top candidate string them along (even if they’re honest about it) and decline at the last minute, the remaining talent pool is likely to be far weaker, as a lot of the “left-over” top students could have accepted offers elsewhere during the process. Given that incoming cohorts range in size from two to four students, the change in the make-up of a class could vary wildly for these schools.

Given this knowledge, I plan to inform my top school that I am ready to decline all offers except theirs, but I am not ready to accept their offer until I see how things progress with A&M. If pushed, I have the resolution card to play, but that’s not my preferred method of starting the relationship with that school, should I not end up at A&M. If the conversation goes well, I will inform the remaining schools that I am declining their offer so that they can move on. If it doesn’t go well, I suppose my stress level will begin to rise. Again.

III